Who is this?

I don't know who this man is, but he looks like a douchebag. It looks like he bought his hair at Hot Topic. Notice his sporty lil goatee.

It really is true what they say...time makes fools of us all.

Paper makes the best bagels of all

In response to my earlier blog, I have a friend at school that is a total Jew. He has a Jew 'fro and sometimes takes out bagels in class and refuses to share them. He claims he isn't Jewish, that he is Christian, and that I should stop trying to convert him to being Jewish even though I'm Catholic. I told him I'm just trying to get him to accept his heritage. So I made a list of Jewish names for him to choose from--Malachai, Melchisedek, Mazda, Yisrael, Matisyahu. He chose "Mazda" and I was like "Hell no. You're Malachai." and so he was so mad that he balled up the piece of paper. Then I told him to eat it and he did. It was awesome. I love it when guys do what I say.

Favorite Jews

My favorite Jewish Boy Names: Jedediah, Mordechai, Matisyahu, Yisrael

Why is it that when I search for "Jewish boy names" on google it gives me "jewish baby boy names"? What if I don't want to name a baby, I want to name a grown-up kid? Where do I find those names?

LOLLZ

You know what? I love looking at liberal bumper stickers online. They're better than movies. Like, "Dad, dad, when is the netflix coming?" "Three days. We sent off the old ones today." And one says to oneself, "Don't get upset. You can go look at that one about Bullshit again. It had you cracked up for weeks. You even got in trouble for repeating it to people during class." So, you go to those websites again and just read all of them, and then get kind of confused, and try to tell people all the funny jokes, but then you can't, because you realize it's a play on the spelling and stuff.

But, I mean, whoever says computers don't teach you anything is full of crap. I learn a lot about politics from those, and other things, too. I mean, I've learned several languages from those. Like, Iraq is "Vietnam" in Arabic. I feel really embarrassed now, because I've been saying it wrong for years! Those have also taught me many interesting facts about history and wars and stuff. I know a lot more about our country's status in the world because of them! Like, did you know that there's a village in Texas that's missing its idiot? George Bush needs to take quick action. I feel sorry for those people. Because I know how they feel, exactly. But you shouldn't even joke about it. The idiot, or "fool", as some people would title him, can be a really important part of society. I'm not even kidding. In a lot of Shakespeare's works, while the fool may be an object of ridicule, he can also be a source of lucidity in troubled times. I mean, for serious, sometimes the fool says the wisest words in the whole play. Like, this one time I was on a field trip...you could call it the field trip from heck. When I say "heck", I mean it very figuratively. But don't get wrong, I don't use that word very loosely. Our class clown got lost. My teacher did the headcount and she said, "Oh, my God, we're missing that idiot kid." And then, in my heart, I realized how much I was really missing him. I mean, I almost cried. You don't understand. My friend Ned was crying his little eyes out. (We were in 4th grade, hence the "little".) Then we realized that he was sick that day and hadn't come at all. But then I missed him even more. And after school, I went to his house, because I missed him so much. And I had a special delivery for him: a hug, and some chicken noodle soup I had my mom pick up from the Ukrops after I got off the bus.

I don't know what George Bush has to do with that, but it's probably his fault, because according to the detectives and The Enquirer, Hurricane Katrina is also his fault. Like, I read the Enquirer all the time and this one time there was this story about this dog with nine lives and it was true because it even had a picture and they interviewed its owner. And it's called "The Enquirer", it has to be enquire about something. I mean, don't quote me on this, but Kanye West, my African-American favorite musical artist ever, says George Bush hates black people. And he's probably right, because he's black and he'd know. I mean, I'm not black, I wouldn't know. But when people unfriend me on myspace I'm pretty sure they hate me, I mean, I can tell. I mean, please bear with me, but I mean, George Bush unfriended all the black people with Hurricane Katrina. Figuratively, of course. He's like Hitler.

Indie has changed

Instead of the Beatles-influenced sweet sounding guitar ditties that was the Indie I came to love, Indie is now mostly techno, and video game techno at that. The real pretty stuff, like the 60s influenced stuff that was folksy and bluesy sounding, I liked that. I like the fun techno stuff, but it's not the same. Of course, Indie just means it's an independent label, but one can't deny that there's an image that goes along with it, there's a subculture that is skinny youths in undersized t-shirts.


Thus is the way of the world..

Fuck Shoes

Every morning during my first classes I go crazy and I want to run around and miss class and shout a lot. My sister says this is because I am anxious and she would probably know because we have the same mom and dad. I hate the morning classes. I can't stop squirming around and relax and pay attention. I always hope for a diversion and an excuse to start laughing. Today I took off my shoes in Latin Class. A boy asked my why I wasn't wearing shoes and I said, "I've been waiting all day for someone to ask me that. If you know anything about my history with shoes, you know what I say is 'fuck shoes.'" and he said "Okay, Dane Cook."

I know that was really pointless but it's an example of how freakin' out I am in the morning. I actually like it when people tell really boring, pointless stories because it makes me feel less retarded. I have like twenty notecards due tomorrow and I've done like nine.