LOLLZ

You know what? I love looking at liberal bumper stickers online. They're better than movies. Like, "Dad, dad, when is the netflix coming?" "Three days. We sent off the old ones today." And one says to oneself, "Don't get upset. You can go look at that one about Bullshit again. It had you cracked up for weeks. You even got in trouble for repeating it to people during class." So, you go to those websites again and just read all of them, and then get kind of confused, and try to tell people all the funny jokes, but then you can't, because you realize it's a play on the spelling and stuff.

But, I mean, whoever says computers don't teach you anything is full of crap. I learn a lot about politics from those, and other things, too. I mean, I've learned several languages from those. Like, Iraq is "Vietnam" in Arabic. I feel really embarrassed now, because I've been saying it wrong for years! Those have also taught me many interesting facts about history and wars and stuff. I know a lot more about our country's status in the world because of them! Like, did you know that there's a village in Texas that's missing its idiot? George Bush needs to take quick action. I feel sorry for those people. Because I know how they feel, exactly. But you shouldn't even joke about it. The idiot, or "fool", as some people would title him, can be a really important part of society. I'm not even kidding. In a lot of Shakespeare's works, while the fool may be an object of ridicule, he can also be a source of lucidity in troubled times. I mean, for serious, sometimes the fool says the wisest words in the whole play. Like, this one time I was on a field trip...you could call it the field trip from heck. When I say "heck", I mean it very figuratively. But don't get wrong, I don't use that word very loosely. Our class clown got lost. My teacher did the headcount and she said, "Oh, my God, we're missing that idiot kid." And then, in my heart, I realized how much I was really missing him. I mean, I almost cried. You don't understand. My friend Ned was crying his little eyes out. (We were in 4th grade, hence the "little".) Then we realized that he was sick that day and hadn't come at all. But then I missed him even more. And after school, I went to his house, because I missed him so much. And I had a special delivery for him: a hug, and some chicken noodle soup I had my mom pick up from the Ukrops after I got off the bus.

I don't know what George Bush has to do with that, but it's probably his fault, because according to the detectives and The Enquirer, Hurricane Katrina is also his fault. Like, I read the Enquirer all the time and this one time there was this story about this dog with nine lives and it was true because it even had a picture and they interviewed its owner. And it's called "The Enquirer", it has to be enquire about something. I mean, don't quote me on this, but Kanye West, my African-American favorite musical artist ever, says George Bush hates black people. And he's probably right, because he's black and he'd know. I mean, I'm not black, I wouldn't know. But when people unfriend me on myspace I'm pretty sure they hate me, I mean, I can tell. I mean, please bear with me, but I mean, George Bush unfriended all the black people with Hurricane Katrina. Figuratively, of course. He's like Hitler.