Damned Vegetarians...

Vegetarianism seems like a nice idea. It's defiant and trendy and hardcore. Right?

Not so, my openminded friend. Vegetarianism is a feel-good ideal that is pointless unless taken 2DX-treme. As a non-vegetarian, it seems like more of an opportunity to feel self-righteous than make a statement about cruelty to animals. Now if you're vegan, that's another story. You can at least walk the walk.

What is vegetarianism, after all? Vegetarianism is when a teenager who buys things from thrift stores decides that, for the sake of animals, eating the small amount of powdered chicken found in Ramen is cruel and inhumane. However, this doesn't keep them from eating store-bought eggs and milk, which are obtained from animals kept alive in conditions less humane than the ones in which they are slaughtered.

I mentioned this to one of my vegetarian friends, and she said "Cows and stuff have to be milked or they'll be in pain." Not so, my blonde-haired friend. The reason cows lactate indefinitely is because humans are fucking with them and giving them hormones. In the wild, they would lactate until their calves were weened. As for chickens, one could say that without humans their eggs would go to waste, but in reality humans bred them to produce unfertilized eggs. It's kind of creepy, isn't it? Humans fuck up animals. But I'm not even close to a vegetarian, so I shouldn't be the one complaining. But that's not the issue. The issue is that people who care about animals enough to not eat their meat shouldn't be eating any kind of milk and eggs that aren't free range. Heck, I'd eat free range for sure if I cared about animals enough to go shopping with my parents.