Lua

I'm narcissistic.

I'm listening to Bright Eyes. Bright Eyes is an indie girl's dream.

Why am I so against being friends with Indie people? I am so goddamn self-conscious. They're alright people, even if they are sort of rude sometimes. I know I'm rude sometimes. I should forgive them. They may be silly and fad-ish but so is everyone. Their only problem is that they think they aren't that way.

Oh, God. Just let me get over myself. I can't love Jacob. I'm too conceited. Oh, God, let me love people. Just let me find friendship. I can be friends with silly people.

Oh, God, I'm so melodramatic.

I just can't take anyone seriously.

Everyone wants to be taken seriously for their silly art or manic depression or disabilities or something. I think I'm the only person on earth who would rather be the fool who is the source of lucidity in troubled times than the pensive hero with a dark and troubled past.

Let me get over myself, please, God. I take myself so seriously. I'm no better than any hipster-scenekids. I don't like any music. I only like what my friends like. I don't like any art. I have no interests. I try to care about religion but I can only focus on God when I'm in a fanciful state of mind.

I love you all, okay?

Nobody reads this blog, but I love you all anyway. I love you even though you just see me as your token Republican friend. Or your free spirit. Your unique person.

I get that a lot. People tell me I'm unique and a free spirit and that they've never met anyone like me. People tell me I'm beautiful. It's their fault I'm so goddamn conceited. I'm none of those things. I'm an arrogant bastard who doesn't care about other people. All I care about is narrating the story of a hidden genius trapped in a world of shallow and narrow-minded people.

I am really self-loathing, though, too. I think if I were a boy girls would find me the to be the sensitive, artistic type. I would be Bright Eyes, only I can't play guitar.

I would be Bright Eyes on the violin.

I don't give a shit.

How do I meet more people who don't give a shit about social faux pas? Hipster-scenekids really care about that kind of thing.

I need people who don't give a fuck about anything. About school or the fucking environment or fucking politics. Politics is shit. I'm sick of kids my age calling themselves "liberal" like they know anything about politics. I make jokes about Republicans and they say "Is that really what republicans believe? That black people should be slaves?"

Why are they so sure they're liberal if they don't even know what other political groups believe? In grade school your teacher always tells you on multiple choice assignments to not just choose the first answer that SOUNDS right. Read all of them.

I wouldn't call myself a republican except that I care about abortion. Political parties are dumb and give idiots an excuse to gather. There are tons of dumb republicans; there are just as many people who are republicans because they were raised that way as democrats. The only difference is that republicans never get to experience those endorphins released by feeling self-righteous. The media hates republicans.

That's really why I'm a republican. If everyone hates them, they've gotta be pretty cool, right?